Marijuana Changed My Life

It was a nice, warm July afternoon in 2011, I had just taken a shower, and couldn’t shake this bad feeling in my gut. Not the kind of bad feeling you get when you get food poisoning, but the kind that fills you with worry and dread. I just felt “off.” I decided to lay down to see if I could shake it, and I couldn’t.

It got to the point that I felt so full of worry and so ill, I felt like I needed to get to a hospital. Not wanting to be embarrassed by the arrival of an ambulance, I decided to drive myself. My head was spinning. I started to hyperventilate and I was trying to keep it together long enough to safely get myself to the emergency room which was only a mile or two up the road. By the time I got to the hospital, I left the car running right in front of the entrance and flung myself out of the car, trying to get myself into the emergency room without falling. I was hyperventilating so hard that my limbs started to fail. The doctors said after the fact that my breathing made all the blood rush to my chest, causing my arms and hands to contort as though I were possessed by a demon or something. I couldn’t move my arms when I got into the hospital. I could barely walk. I ran in crying and contorted, screaming, “Help me, I think I am going to die.” The nurse calmly brought me into a room right away, and helped me get my breathing under control. Behold, I had just experienced my first panic attack.

Fast forward over the next few years, I had tried more anti-anxiety and anti depression medications than I could count. Zoloft, Prozac, Xanax, Buspar, Welbutrin, Effexor. You name it…I tried it. Some worked really well, until they didn’t anymore. Some gave me side effects so bad I couldn’t function as a human being. I couldn’t leave the house without my Xanax bottle, if I could even leave the house at all. It was a very hard time of my life. For those who take medications for mental health and are successful, I am happy for you, but none of them worked for me. It was ruining my life.

I was working as a pharmacy technician, which meant I had to submit to drug urine screenings. Before I was working as a pharmacy tech, I was able to use cannabis and not worry about losing my job or getting into trouble as a responsible cannabis user. I stopped in 2009, after I got my first pharmacy job.

In 2015, I was on medical leave from work for a week while my doctor tapered me off of Effexor. It felt like I was coming off of heroin. I was itchy, depressed, manic, anxious, had headaches, muscle spasms, loss of appetite, nausea and diarrhea. I had gotten to the point that I needed 150 mg twice a day and it still wasn’t working. I needed a change. I couldn’t keep going through this over and over again. I became a patient of the Maine Medical Marijuana Program in 2015, and reintroduced cannabis back into my routine. This was against my primary care physician’s wishes, but I felt it was worth a shot.

I didn’t know a whole lot about all the different strains. Indoor, outdoor, sativa, indica, THC, CBD – it was all new to me.

I had always just thought weed was weed, it was either good or meh, but it got the job done. Now, I was introduced to a whole new world of medicine.

I was hopeful for the first time in a long time. The practitioners at the clinic were kind, calm, and knowledgeable. I got my prescription for nausea, as my panic attacks often triggered nausea and sometimes even vomiting.

After trying different strains, seeing how they affected me and introducing CBD and THC use into my daily life, I finally felt like I was back in control. I was still getting a prescription for Xanax for breakthrough anxiety from my doctor.  In 2016, my physician’s office introduced a new policy that all patients receiving a prescription for a controlled substance (Xanax is a schedule 5 medication) would need to submit to random drug screenings. When I got the call that I needed to leave a urine sample, I felt okay about it because I had my prescription for a qualifying diagnosis but I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I arrived at the doctor’s office with a full bladder and my marijuana prescription in hand. The medical assistant escorted me to the restroom to leave my sample and I explained to her that I would test positive for THC and that I was happy to leave a copy of my prescription. She looked at me as though I had snakes slithering out of my eyes and said “that won’t be necessary.” A few days later, I got a call from my doctor. She said,

“Mrs. Muzyka, your urine test came back and you tested positive for THC. I can no longer prescribe your anxiety medication to you. You need to make a choice. You can smoke dope and do drugs or you can get your medication.”

I was awestruck. I was legally using marijuana and still treated like some sort of street junkie. I responded with, “You can keep your medication. The marijuana is the only thing that has helped me in the last 6 years of dealing with sometimes debilitating anxiety. I would rather ‘smoke dope and use drugs’ as you say, then use what you are referring to as medicine.”

Fast forward to August of 2018. I have not spoken to that doctor since our conversation in 2016.  I have taken CBD every morning and THC every evening as needed or wanted. I no longer need to take Xanax. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I needed one. I don’t need to carry the bottle with me anymore when I leave the house. Actually, I don’t even know where my bottle of Xanax is anymore, somewhere in the abyss of the bathroom cabinets, I suppose. Not only do I not need Xanax or pharmaceuticals anymore, but cannabis has helped me in so many other aspects in my life.

It has stabilized my mood, I no longer feel anxious, or depressed, I have a healthy appetite, I have lost weight, I sleep great, I don’t need anti- inflammatory medications for aches and pains, because I don’t get aches and pains very often due to the steady levels of CBD & THC in my system. Even big occasions that would normally render me a shaking anxious mess, no longer upset me.

CBD & THC has literally changed my life. I look back to that day at the hospital and see how far I have come and it nearly brings me to tears. This has been a miracle medication for me on so many levels and I only hope my story would inspire others to try CBD and or THC for their afflictions. THC isn’t for everyone, as it is the psychoactive compound in the marijuana plant that gets you high. CBD has little to no THC in it, so you can get all of the benefits of the marijuana plant without the psychoactive effects. I don’t mind the feeling of being high, I quite enjoy it in the evenings while my husband and I prepare dinner and we settle in to watch television, read, or work on art projects.

There are so many different ways to use THC and CBD. There are almost infinite combinations so you can use it in a way that works for you. I would recommend trying CBD and or THC to anyone who is suffering from mental and physical illness. It changed my life, and I know it can change yours too.